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Joke of the Day

"I've quit my new job as a postman. They handed me my first letter to deliver, I looked at it and thought: ""This isn't for me."""

"*finds own number on a bathroom stall* Call for a good time!? This is outrageous! *crosses out good; writes in GREAT* There. Fixed."

"Why did the bacteriologist quit her job? She hated being microbe-managed."

"I'd like to open a Greek sandwich shop in Lower Manhattan. I'll call it Ground Gyro."

"What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off ? Ban-she ban-she !"

"Dun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Running down the motor-way, A lorr-ie comes the other-way, Dun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, Splat-Man!"

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa. Not yelling and screaming, like the people in his car"

"Went to the store without my dentures because what are the odds Scarlett Johansson and I would be reaching for the same box of fish sticks?"

"The only B word you should ever call a woman is beautiful Bitches love being called beautiful"

"Q: What do you feed an invisible cat? A: Evaporated milk."