201942
Joke of the Day
"Every kiss begi... K"
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"I don't want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas."
"Oedipus? I hate that motherfucker"
"My favorite way to mop the bathroom floor is to give the kids a bath. The walls, too. Yup, and ceiling."
"Wife: ""Can you pick up milk?"" Me: *lifts gallon* ""Yeah, it's easy."" Wife: ""I mean from the store."" Me: ""I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"""
"Fantasy Football Why won't fantasy football let me pick up Aaron Hernandez? He'd be killing on my team!"
"What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? a gun only has one trigger"
"Fertility clinic What did the perverted embryonic scientist say to the microscope? ""Are those my genes because I can definitely see myself in them."""
"I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.."
"I told the wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."