201939

Joke of the Day

"i hope toy story 3 is about woody and buzz trying to save the asian child workers that made them."

"A man walks into a bar.... ...sits down, orders a beer, and begins to gaze longingly at the barmaid. The barmaid hands him the beer, returns the stare and says... ""Take a pitcher, it'll last longer."""

"If I was any lazier and non functioning I'd be Rosie O'Donnel's metabolism."

"Decisions Sometimes life gives you really hard decisions. Then other times It gives you really easy decisions like whether you should choose the lettuce or the ice cream"

"How do you make a dog meow? Put him in a wood chipper and listen to him go ""meeeeowwww""."

"Where did Zooey Deschanel grow up? In Albu-quirky."

"Two cans of Red Bull may give you x-ray vision, but five cans give you the ability to hear oxygen."

"I'm not racist I have a black president."

"The best part about having a homeless girlfriend? After the date, you can just drop her off anywhere."

"During conversation, a guy mispronounces a physicist's name. Upon realizing this, he apologizes profusely. The physicist says, ""It's Feynman."""