201612

Joke of the Day

"I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well."

"Hearing deteriorates as we get older. So why with every new year does the sound of someone eating become louder & more annoying?"

"What do you get when a dragon sneezes? Out of the way. Thanks League smh"

"Hey, did you hear that Carbon and Oxygen broke up? Yeah, it turns out their relationship was actually pretty toxic. Personally, I never saw it."

"Ordering at Chipotle: ""With white rice."" ""Brown?"" ""No, white. And chicken."" ""Steak?"" ""No, chicken. And medium salsa."" ""Mild?"" ""No, medium."""

"What Will Mexico's National Sport Become if Trump Is Elected? Pole Vaulting"

"What is Aloe Blacc's real name? Bye Bye White"

"Superman and Eyore had a baby. The baby's name? Supereyore"

"Joke from my sociology prof ""I'm sorry"" and ""my bad"" mean the same thing... unless you're at a funeral"

"Ma'am...we're going to have to ask you to get off of the table. Ma'am... (me, trying to cuddle with my bacon cheese fries)"