201548

Joke of the Day

"What's easier to pick up, the heavier it gets? Women"

"What is cowhide mostly used for? Keeping cows from falling apart."

"Oh, Bill... A reporter asks Bill Clinton, ""How's Hillary's head?"" He answers, ""Well, she's no Monica!"""

"Every time I text this guy, he replies with ""Sorry, I'm driving."" It's been a few days. I'm guessing he's probably made it to Mexico by now."

"""we're out of bread"" ""ciabatta be kidding!"" [waiter takes out gun] ""make another bread pun and ur toast, pal... shit"" [i take out my gun]"

"Why did the lizard go on a diet ? It weighed too much for its scales !"

"My hot dislexic co-worker said she had an important massage to give me in her office... When I got there, she told me it can wait until I put on some clothes."

"Q: How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation."

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye... It turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time"

"I opened my closet, looking for my boots. And there they were... Gone! (as told to my by my Bella-Russian-Canadian (and redditor) friend)..."