201320

Joke of the Day

"Me: Pull my finger. Doctor: Ok. [finger detaches] Me: AAAAHHHHH! Doctor: AAAAHHHHH!!! ME: haha j/k that's actually why I came in."

"Why hasn't Kim Kardashian seen her asshole lately? He's on tour."

"What was the last pizza order made to the World Trade Center? Two large plains"

"Why did the cows come back to the marijuana field? The pot was calling the cattle back"

"I am one bottle of shower gel away from being able to open my own Christmas gift shop in my shower."

"Today my friend accused me of being condescending. It's ridiculous, I don't even think he knows what that word means."

"I used to work at the factory that made fire hydrants. Couldn't park anywhere near the place."

"Why did the identical twins survive the plane crash? Because twins being destroyed by planes is too cliche, I guess."

"""WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING. YOU SUCK."" I yell at the football player in the TV as I'm sitting on a couch having cake"

"What do a good joke and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old."