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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an illegitimate fish who crapped itself? A bassturd"

"*sees Salvation Army bell ringer* ""Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!"" ""Sir, we don't accept children."" *runs away*"

"Workin hard. Putting my nose to the grindstone. Grinding away that nose. Barely any nose left now. Whole face messed up. Due for a promotion"

"Eating pistachios is like picking up girls You always go for the easiest ones to crack first."

"What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? You can't use a pitchfork to unload bowling balls."

"Why do bald men cut holes in there pockets? To run their hands through their hair"

"""IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR?!?"" I screamed on the plane. 3 men shot up. ""Ok, now are any of you single? I need a sugar daddy. I do butt stuff."""

"What do you call a nuclear-powered car? A mobile-Chernobyl!"

"Tip: if you don't want comedians weighing in on politics.... ...don't elect a joke. (Credit to Bo Burnham)"

"What happens when you retweet a compliment about how humble you are?"