200967

Joke of the Day

"Van Halen on tour in 2012! I doubt the Mayans realized they'd be up against ""Drop Dead Legs"" when they predicted the end of the world."

"If optimus prime was a pokemon, what would his most used attacks be? Transform and rollout. (When you tell this to people wait and see if they guess it)"

"How did the rabbit know his wife was cheating on him? There was a hare in his bed."

"3 days ago I got a pass-code lock that takes a picture whenever someone enters the wrong code in my phone. So far I have 26 pictures of drunk me."

"Did you know you can use voice-to-text on Twitter so this tweet came from my mouth and also stop staring at me people on this bus."

"On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck."

"TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a Bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a... Baby shower."

"What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot, you racist!"

"I shot my first turkey today! But for some reason everyone in the frozen food section acted really surprised."

"How many male chauvinist does it take to change a lightbulb? None, the wife can cook fine in the dark"