200834

Joke of the Day

"That was THE best 10 hours of sleep I've ever had. Thanks for asking me to sleep with you! Huh. You look upset."

"If you can't enjoy sex when I sing Ladysmith Black Mambazo, we either need to hire 9 black men or have the racism talk."

"(Dirty) What's good on a pizza but bad on a pussy? A thin layer of crust"

"When should a mouse carry an umbrella ? When it's raining cats and dogs !"

"Our kids lost all the Monopoly pieces so we use a cigarette butt, a high-heeled shoe, a rotten molar, and a loaded handgun."

"Things that just weren't meant to be heated in a microwave: lettuce, mustaches, avocados, sarcasm, other microwaves, oranges. And that's it."

"What's brown and sticky? My poster of Beyonce."

"I carry a knife, but it's just in case of cake."

"SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake."

"Dig a hole all the way to China, poke your head out and yell ""YOU GUYS BUILT THIS SHOVEL IT'S A GREAT SHOVEL JUST WANTED TO SAY HEY!"""