20050

Joke of the Day

"I don't know why people are upset about the Florida night club incident. I would love to get free shots at my local bar!"

"What did Sloth say when he found gold? AU GUYS!!!"

"I'm not hungover. I just like to wear my sunglasses when I open the fridge door. It makes me look cool."

"What makes a software developer feel rich? Their Cache"

"Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner? He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving."

"LIAM NEESON: I have a peculiar set of skills. ME: I think the line is 'particular'. LIAM NEESON: Nope! *He rollerblades away juggling dogs*"

"The Wright Way ""I think it is wrong that one company makes Monopoly."" -Steven Wright"

"Why wouldn't Jeffery Dahmer go down on Terri Schiavo? Because cannibals don't eat vegetables."

"If using your 4yo as a remote control to fetch things makes you a bad parent, then I'm a bad parent... A bad parent with an ice cold beer."

"According to my Fitbit I've masturbated 4 miles today"