200229

Joke of the Day

"How do you know carrots improve your vision? Cause you've never seen any bunnies with glasses"

"Coining a new term. I hereby decree that from henceforth all comparisons made between two things for comedy shall be known as... ***a yuxtoposition.***"

"I measure how hard I'm working by whether I feel compelled to close my eyes and nap while sitting on the toilet."

"Why do the proms stop after high school? Just because I'm an adult now doesn't mean I don't still need to grind on people to Lil' Jon songs."

"Ask /r/personalfinance to draw you a line, they deliver a circle. They always make ends meet!"

"When you drop the toilet paper and the roll world unravels before your eyes"

"She told me she'd do anything for 20 bucks. Guess who just got his Mustang washed."

"I could get hit and killed by a truck right in front of him and my dentist would still find a way to blame it on the fact that I don't floss"

"how many college football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but they'll give 'em four credits for it."

"I got an email from a prince in Africa saying I inherited 100,000 dollars. But my computer just says i got a virus... I hope it's not Ebola"