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Joke of the Day
"Did you hear about the circus fire? ...it was intents!"
Next Joke
"I showed up to my girlfriend's house. She said, ""Why, don't you look nice!?"" I said, ""Thanks."" ""It wasn't a compliment."" she added."
"When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever."
"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing. They're both stuck up bitches."
"ME *sees baby crab in stroller*: He's so cute! I just wanna rip his lil legs off dip em in butter and eat them! MOM CRAB *beaming*: thank u"
"What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber? Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scalar."
"There's a serial killer in our house! Normal people: ""CALL THE POLICE, LETS GET OUT OF HERE!"" - In movies: ""Lets go find him"" -___-"
"America's national mascot should just be a drunk white girl typing on a shattered iPhone."
"You can reduce your weight by one simple exercise of shaking your head horizontally. Do it when you are offered food"
"Lord please give me patience, because if you give me strength I may just beat someone to death."