199595

Joke of the Day

"dave is coming to play poker ""dave from college or dave who walks like he's in a video game?"" [dave takes 3 tries to walk through open door]"

"Sorry I unfollowed you on Instagram, but you take at least 10 pics of your face everyday. I don't even look at my wife that much."

"Don't kid yourself vegans. If a cow got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you know"

"Thousands of stoners give up smoking weed to avoid having any association with Justin Bieber. Cleverest. Government. Propaganda. Ever."

"The disabled vet So my buddy is a disabled vet. It's really sad because he got injured on the job. Turns out he's not very good with animals."

"[office] DAVE: We're having a baby SUE: Congratulations! ME: [suspicious that Dave is a seahorse] Looking forward to the birth, Dave?"

"Why did the farmer win an award? He was outstanding in his field."

"While some guys go to the gym to clean & snatch... Others go to to see lean snatch. C what I did there?"

"my favorite hobby is reading a book by a fireplace in a cabin in the woods. in other words, my favorite hobby is being threatening to trees"

"John was going through a rough time, he lost his job and couldn't pay rent. Everything was hopeless when suddenly, he remembered... mitochondria is the power house of the cell."