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Joke of the Day

"[High school reunion] Classmate: I've been out building schools in Africa Me: I got banned from the zoo for gluing sideburns onto a dolphin"

"Dear Men. When a woman is upset, don't ask her what's wrong, but for fuck's sake don't not ask her what's wrong either. Hope this helps."

"What's it called when you have sex early in the day after a funeral? Mourning Sex."

"It annoys me that Engineering students call themselves engineers.. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed."

"I haven't slept for 3 days... Because that would be way too long."

"Hi. We noticed you Googled ""How do I keep IT from seeing my browser history"" yesterday at 3:21pm. How'd that work out for you?"

"I'd let Jesus take the wheel but... I don't know how to speak spanish."

"Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge! Father Christmas: You mean 'Ghoul-di-locks'!"

"Why are mods the worst? [Removed]"

"Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don't know. Inspirational statuses are hard"