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Joke of the Day

"There would be no evil in the word..... if Satan had life alert."

"What's the difference between a sigh a car and a monkey? A sigh is oh dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you dear."

"I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time."

"whatd the princess do after she finished a do-it-yourself abortion royal flush"

"A homophobe, rapist, and black man walk into a bar.... and the bartender says, ""What's up Kobe?"""

"Don't judge me for my race, don't judge me for my gender. Judge me because I've read all four of the Twilight books."

"Benedict Arnold's boy pointed out the front window ...and pointed at a maple. ""Look daddy, a bush,"" he said excitedly. ""That's not a bush,"" Benedict replied, ""that's a tree son."""

"People are always discriminating against me just because I have a penis Apparently it's offensive to keep it in a jar or some crap like that."

"What's the Only Planet That Gives a Crap? Uranus."

"Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?"