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Joke of the Day

"Wait in a dressing room until an employee comes to ask if they can help. Answer yes, pause, then say, ""But I need to be able to trust you"""

"What's the difference between the stock market and women? With the stock market you can only lose when you pull out."

"A lady cut me off... The other day a lady cut me off who was texting while driving. I got so mad at her I pulled up beside her and threw my beer can at her."

"I was in work the other day when a stunning Thai girl walked in. She was gorgeous. all I could think was 'don't get a boner, don't get a boner, don't get a boner.' She *did*."

"What do you call wanking in a plane? Hijacking"

"I'm going to open a bank ... ... with a clawbar!"

"Did you hear about the pirate who used to walk the plank every night? Well, he couldn't afford a dog."

"Sex is like Math. Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don't Multiply!"

"Studies say people with high IQ are lazy. Of course I didn't read the entire article."

"Sometimes I scratch my balls and then smell my fingers. It's not a big deal really"