198898

Joke of the Day

"My superpower is turning food and drink into larger pants."

"I got caught making out with my cousin once - mum and dad went mental. In my defence we were just kids, and there was an awful lot of alcohol at her funeral."

"My friend wants to be frozen to 273.15C after he dies. But at least we know (_) ( _)>- (_) he was 0K."

"What did the bobby (English policeman) say to the hitchhiker with three heads, no arms and one leg? ""'Ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, 'op in."""

"How does a butt pirate prevent scurvy. He eats a lot of ""fruits""."

"I am the all knowing oracle, you may ask me one question ""How do you pronounce quinoa?"" [it's just covered in sweat] um can u ask me another"

"Santiago Munez : from Newcastle utd to Real madrid Movie : Goal Rafa benitez : Real madrid to Newcastle Utd Movie: Own goal"

"What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants, and a dirty bus stop? One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean."

"I snort a lot of cocaine for a sober person."

"From now on when people forcefully show me pictures of their baby, I'm simply going to reply, ""Hmm... I've seen better."""