198880

Joke of the Day

"[wife enters as I'm doing the worm] Wife: WTH are you doing? Me: It's not what it looks like. Worm: Who the hell is she?!"

"Q: What do you call a cow with a hysterectomy? A: Decalfinated."

"that horrifying moment when a kid asks u to help find his mom bc he was always told if he was lost to ask a grownup & u realize ur a grownup"

"I walked in on my Arab roommate He was having sex with his girlfriend from behind, while shaving with his left hand and all while having an argument. I said ""good thing you're not wearing ihram!"""

"they probably named the Rocky mountains first and then saw all the other mountains and were like ""oh"""

"When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway!"

"""Hey. Here's some free oxygen. No prob! All I ask is that you don't let your dogs piss on m- Oh there he goes. He's pissing on me."" -trees"

"You don't need a parachute to go sky diving You need a parachute to go sky diving twice"

"Latey, my aphabet has been a the pace, I bame the fact there's ""noel"""

"I'd date me. But mainly because I put out."