19841

Joke of the Day

"If you guys need me I'll be strutting confidently through a parking lot toward a car that turns out not to be mine."

"Dear Santa, Last year you gave me a sweater for Christmas. This year I would prefer a Moaner or a Screamer."

"At the Airport Customs: Where is your passport Me: *hands credit card* Customs: You can't bribe me Me: It's my visa"

"What do you call 10 lepers in a swimming pool? Porridge"

"Retarded people They shouldn't even exist"

"If 2 vegetarians argue... ... do they have beef?"

"Honey, since I met you, I have never been able to love anyone else. Why don't we get a divorce?"

"Three legged dog A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: ""I'm lookin' for the man who executed my father."""

"[marriage counselling] Her: he always thinks he's talking to me on CB radio Me: I don't, over Her: It's over Me: It's what? Over"

"What has two thumbs and got laid last night? My hands."