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Joke of the Day

"From my Dad: I never did get around to paying for my exorcism So now I've been repossessed."

"I was vacationing, and I got to talking to a North African in his native language... ... We just clicked"

"Did you hear about the scientist who accidentally tripped into his cloning machine? He was really beside himself after that one."

"My girlfriend is adorable, smart, sexy, and looking over my shoulder as I type."

"chicken pot pie. my three favorite things"

"Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make up literally everything"

"Few things look as optimistic as a dog butt trotting off into the distance"

"I'm never buying a Labrador... Havent you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

"The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP."

"""Dad can we get a puppy?"" ""No but we can get a submarine if you like?"" [2 hours later 3000m beneath the pacific] ""dad I should be at school"""