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Joke of the Day

"Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents."

"What is the best place to hide a dead body? On the second page of google."

"My wife came home one day... ... to find me doing her sister up the arse. ""How could you do this to me?"" she cried. I responded, ""Well, I can't. That's why I'm doing it to her."""

"The average guy's response when asked if he does anal. Yeah, I'm in to that shit."

"Kardashian How many Kardashians does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. They just hold it up because the world revolves around them."

"Did you guys hear about Freddie Mercury's bedroom furniture store? Nothing Really Mattress. They only sell queen size."

"Me: What are you doing?! 5-year-old: Hugging my sister. Me: Hugs don't start with a flying tackle. 5: Me: 5: The good ones do."

"Why can't a bicycle stand with out a kick stand? It's just two-tired."

"Why couldn't the hippie be saved from drowning? He was too far out man."

"Opinions are like orgasms, mine's more important and I don't give a fuck if she has one."