197945

Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna make a photo editing type program that makes you look like a Hobbit and call it Frodoshop."

"""I'll just stagger around yelling random, incoherent shit as people try to keep me from hurting myself."" Drunks and 1 year olds."

"What if earth rotates 30 times faster? Interviewer:""If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?"" engineer:""We will get our salary everyday"" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently"

"SON: How are monster trucks made? ME: Son, when a monster and a truck love each oth- GF: [glares] ME: He's old enough for the facts, Jane"

"Make like a programmer with good version control habits and git!"

"Did you hear about the earthquake? There was a fault in Washington. It was Obama's!"

"The worst thing about being deaf is... when I masturbate, I can't hear anybody come in my room. *Not even myself.*"

"Woman: When my husband died... ...his dying wish was to be liquidised into perfume. Friend: It's so sad that he's gone. Woman: Well he's still here in essence."

"""Here you go body some nutritious food, how bout some energy?"" Body: ""I shall make this into nose hair"""

"What separates humans and animals? The Mediterranean sea."