19793

Joke of the Day

"Did you know: if you put your ear upon a stranger's leg... ...you can hear them saying ""WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"""

"""Dad, you were at 63%, so I unplugged your phone to plug mine in"" *Drives ex-son to homeless shelter"

"[Insert Funny Name Here] A midget psychic escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock knock... *who's there"" It's the chicken!"

"To take her mind off being mistakenly judged Miss Universe,Miss Columbia went to get her teeth whitened.. The Dentist told her she needs a crown."

"[on plane] Me: It's ok, more ppl are killed by hippos than by plane crashes Pilot: This is your captain speaking, I'm a hippo btw Me: Nooooo"

"I'm going to the grocery store where I'll try to get the cashier to call 911 based only on the items I'm purchasing."

"I gotta imagine one of the worst things you can do is shit your snowsuit."

"What happened when The Pope went to Mount Olive? Popeye kicked his ass!"

"Life Advice Always keep your words soft and sweet - In case you have to eat them later."