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Joke of the Day

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes a long time, and the lightbulb has to want to change."

"If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress"

"My friend's son wanted to be a ""Super-Pirate"" for his birthday... But after running against the door he discovered that even a ""Super-Pirate"" only needs one eyepatch"

"Don't masturbate with Crisco. It's shortening."

"5 years ago today, I quit drinking And 4 years, 364 days, and 12 hours ago today, I started again"

"What do you call a hooker's fart? ... ... A Prosti- Toot!"

"What do you get if you stuff your computer's disk drive with herbs? A thyme machine."

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression... ...unless you keep a stash of roofies on you at all times."

"Whenever I'm watching paint dry I like to listen to James Bay ... Just to really complete the experience"

"Did you hear about the penis-less man that got excited? He just came out of nowhere"