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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil? I wouldn't pay 200 to have a lentil on my face"

"What do you call retarded cow thighs? Asbergers"

"Bought a 2nd cell phone to leave on the coffee table as a decoy when I go tweet in the bathroom."

"When was pasta introduced to the Middle East? when someone fed a genie alfredo"

"The year is 42069. We've stopped changing the date, it's just always the year 42069 and people spell their names with emojis. It's awesome."

"Me: How's it look? Doc: You have 2 months to live M: WHAT?? You're my dentist! D: Then you don't need to come back for a cleaning in 6 mos"

"Mercury has a harsh climate, as the day time temperature is 430 degrees Celcius. At night however, it freezes to -170 degrees Celcius. First world problems."

"What was Jean-Paul Sartre's favorite art form? Exi-stencilism"

"What do warm toilet seats and pussy have in common? They both feel nice but you never know who's been there first"

"They say all of this started because Eve ate an apple. Clearly, the book was altered. Everyone knows it had to be chocolate."