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Joke of the Day

"My wedding will be open casket."

"The three unwritten rules of life 1. 2. 3."

"What do you call it when Google Glass connects to the internet? Eye-fi."

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am...Can you believe that, 2:30am!? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It will take a minute for me to get hard I just got laid by a chick"

"I think I have a premature ejaculation problem it seems to come out of nowhere."

"Starlord: Galaxy. Superman: Earth. Spiderman: NYC. And then there's Daredevil micromanaging the shit out of 10 blocks in midtown Manhattan."

"My daughter wants a smart car for her 16th birthday. She thinks it will do her geometry homework."

"Chainsaws: because ""The Texas Weed-whacker Massacre"" just wasn't scary enough"

"How can you tell the Ethiopian diplomat at a political function? He's the one with the gold Rolex around his neck."