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Joke of the Day

"A horse walks into a bar... ...and the bartender says ""Heeeeyeyeyeyey, why the looooong face?"" And the horse replies ""Because the guy telling the joke that I'm starring in has bad...comic...*timing.*"""

"[god to lions] You will be the symbol of power and prestige [sees the crickets] Ew. Uh...you guys just yell real loud when a comedian bombs"

"I just licked guacamole off my elbow. Yup."

"How many rats does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but you have to get them in the lightbulb first."

"Why did the pedophile go into the cave? He was looking for miners."

"All generalizations are false, including this one."

"What Bird? Which bird symbolizes love? Swallow."

"Remember: whatever fun game you invent for your kids, you're going to have to play it 10,000 times"

"RT if you love puppies, rainbows or beating the shit out of strangers for not saying ""Thank You"", after you've held the door for them."

"Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it's not just women who won't marry you."