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Joke of the Day

"A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation for the Abandoned Children's Home...so I gave him my kids."

"Why didn't Jesus get into college? He got hung up on the boards."

"A zombie visits the Dry Cleaners. He shuffles up to the assistant behind the counter, holds up his dirty underwear and says... ""STAAAAINNNS! STAAAAINNNNS!"""

"I used to be friends with a lot of metalheads. But then, gradually, our relationships got a little bit rusty."

"There are three types of people in this world... Those who can count, and those who can't."

"I just touched a person with down syndrome. Then I shouted; ""touchdown!"""

"What are the three rings of Marriage? The Engagement Ring, The Wedding Ring, and The Suffer-ring."

"Why don't pencils and graph paper get along? Because they're made out of graphite"

"I just became a Catholic recently... I still don't understand why we have to keep sitting down, standing up and kneeling. I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me!"

"How many honest politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? All three of them."