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Joke of the Day

"[at Applebees on Christmas] God: Your food good? Jesus: Ya, it- *a crowd of servers surrounds them* Jesus: You didn't... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y"

"I listen to your prayers, but only to correct their grammar."

"If you could choose between having a light saber or saving a child..... Which color light saber would you choose?"

"My wife is a sex object Every time I ask for sex she objects."

"If I'm reading this correctly the Second Amendment allows me to shoot a bear, tear off his arms and keep them."

"Have you heard about the pig who took up disco dancing? He liked to swing his weight around."

"Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food? It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity"

"(boom boom clap) (boom boom clap) Daisy you're a dog you're a good dog Playing in the park Gonna eat some cool bugs today"

"""Thanks, that's a great haircut."" [takes off wig] ""Now let's see how you do with the real thing."""

"What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't call him anything because he won't come running anyhow."