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Joke of the Day

"""Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"" Probably photos, reflective surfaces, things of that nature."

"Apple's CEO Tim Cook has announced he is gay. Samsung's CEO is expected to announce tomorrow he is waaay gayer."

"Take that seed. Yes that one Burn it. Now crunch it up. More. Now pour this hot water on it. Let me drink that. It's good. Name it ""coffee"""

"Q: Did you hear about the Blonde who got a pair of water-skis? A: She's still looking for a lake with a slope."

"How Swift is Kanye? About as West as Taylor"

"My wife just asked me why she came home to find marinara sauce all over our sleeping baby's head. Sorry babe, I'M NOT A DETECTIVE."

"Why couldn't the physicist understand how boats work? He thought nothing could possibly travel faster than sea."

"A black man walks into a bar ""Can you imagine that nigga's face when the judge believes my testimony?"" - a policeman told his friend"

"I keep getting a message that ""Twitter is having issues""nnGood job guys...we drove twitter crazy!"

"Yo momma's house so dirty When she smokes a cigarette, she turns it around to put it in the ashtray."