196792

Joke of the Day

"I don't mean to brag but I just beat my 5-year-old ten times in a row at air hockey. He sucks."

"Kids so mixed... They won't show up in black and white pictures."

"What do you get when you cross Mike Myers and a T-Rex? Jurassic Wayne's World!"

"I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes' with a big smile. The look on her face quickly changed when I walked off with her cardboard box."

"I'm not saying your dumb. I'm saying you're dumb."

"What do you get from pampered cows? Spoiled milk!"

"HELP!!! I've just spunked all over my mother's chest by accident whilst she was asleep. If she finds out, she's going to go fucking crazy. Anybody know how to clean cum off antique oak wood??"

"A&P is in bankruptcy, and Stop & Shop is buying some of their stores. They'll be called Stop & P."

"Isn't it so wierd when you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear? Anyway my dad just caught me browsing r/jokes"

"If guns kill people, then spoons make people fat."