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Joke of the Day

"*stops by new neighbor* Welcome, I brought you a cake! -Wow, thank you! You know, you didn't have to do that! Oh, ok. *walks away with cake*"

"""You'll never get the butt you want by sitting on the one you have."" -Maya Angelou"

"How many gorillas does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes a shitload of lightbulbs."

"When you're alone in your room, start doing karate so ghosts know what's up."

"Whats the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew Harry made it out of the chamber"

"if all my friends jumped off a cliff I wouldn't do it too because cats can land on their feet they'll be fine"

"A reality show, where you spy on your suspected cheating significant other, called Baewatch."

"Chicken pot pie Three of my favorite things."

"I asked my North Korean friend how it was to live in North Korea... He says he can't complain."

"If Jesus appears to you... Ask him to bevel-cut a jack rafter onto a door header. If he doesn't know what you mean, that's an imposter Jesus."