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Joke of the Day

"I won't take a bullet for anyone because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move."

"I made a bet with my sister that I could make a working car out of spaghetti.. ..you should have seen her face when I drove pasta."

"If your product's third layer is for absorbency, I don't want to see the commercial at dinnertime."

"How do you stop a monster from smelling? Cut off his nose."

"Dolphins are really smart. Within a few weeks of captivity they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and feed them."

"Why is OP's dog never satisfied? They don't do liver"

"My friend just graduated from her ballet course in university. She got a (2:2)"

"I hear Donald Trump is going to ban cans of parmesan cheese... ..he's going to make America grate again."

"Oman and Yemen should switch names because if you find out you're gonna live in Oman, you go ""yeah man!!"" but if you find out you're gonna live in Yemen, you go ""oh man..."" Im so sorry"

"Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want"