196350

Joke of the Day

"How many Protestants does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They live in eternal darkness."

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers"

"[Supermarket] Me: QUICK, WHERE IS YOUR FROZEN SECTION Assistant: Aisle 7 Me: GREAT [opens trench coat and 6 penguins fall out] let's go guys"

"Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 39 seconds."

"I bought a lamp stand from Ikea... the assistant asked me was I planning on putting it up myself. ""You dirty bastard"" I said, ""It's going in the living room"""

"When my toddlers are teenagers I'm going to wake them up in the middle of the night to tell them I'm thirsty"

"If the carpet matches the drapes I'll install the hardwood for free"

"What do you call an actor who converts to Judaism? A Christian bail."

"What's fat and hairy and lives under a bridge? A troll, but here in r/Jokes we call them feminists"

"Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback!!"