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Joke of the Day

"*walkig around department store that is full of wat clearly are christmas decorations* its haloween again ALREADY??"

"NSFW A man asked a woman ""Excuse me miss can I smell your feet?"" She replies ""why certainly not!"" So the man says ""oh must be your pussy then."""

"you may think the reason there is a pickaxe in the ice sculpture of a swan is 'i was trying to break the ice' but it is actually 'i hate it'"

"My wife and I weren't really expecting a baby, and then BAM!... One smacks right into the windshield."

"*at adoption center* ""Okay yeah they're all great and all, but which one is the most photogenic for Facebook and stuff like that"""

"The butcher I worked with got behind in his work. He got his butt stuck in the meat grinder."

"Social Justice Warriors are so sensitive that... Social Justice Warriors are so sensitive that they don't need a Large Hadron Collider to locate the Higgs-Boson Particle."

"Anytime I see a person wrapped in a Snuggie, I think, that's a person I could easily set on fire."

"What do you call a gay quadriplegic? A tomato. It's a vegetable that's a fruit!"

"What's your best Michael Jackson is dead joke?"