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Joke of the Day

"When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I just wanna to use my finger & write `""WASH ME""` on her face."

"Hold on I'm about to count my money. Alright I'm done."

"What do hillbillys do on Halloween? Pump Kin"

"Don't bother using those white packets of seasoning inside new shoes, they taste terrible."

"Sent this guy 27 texts in the last hour and haven't heard back so I guess I should probably drive over to his house and make sure he's okay."

"In principle, I can stop drinking, the thing is I don't have such a principle."

"I've just opened a casino for dogs where they can play roulette, poker blackjack etc... They'll have to go outside for craps though."

"How was the Grand Canyon created? A Jew lost a penny (incoming angry comments)"

"There's no worse feeling than lying next to the person you love and they don't know you love them. Or that you're in their house again."

"What is big, vibrates and makes a woman scream when put inside her? A chainsaw."