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Joke of the Day

"When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I just wanna to use my finger & write `""WASH ME""` on her face."

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"Why do people go into technical jobs? Because they suck at communicating so hard, they'd rather fuck a computer"
"Why did the can crusher quit his job? It was soda pressing."
"Lifehack: If whenever someone asks your opinion on something you say, ""Now thats-a spicy meatball!"" people will learn not to ask you things."
"""FOR [sound of robot-computer meltdown/Buckethead noise] PRESS 1 FOR [feint but audible screams of someone being chased in woods] PRESS 2"""
"What was Philip Seymour Hoffman's favorite album this year? Pure Heroine by Lorde."
"How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? Hey, wanna go ride bikes?"
"How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends how thin you slice them. Worst dead baby jokes, let's hear them! NSFW because dead baby jokes probably aren't safe for work..."
"Why didn't anyone like the bread store owner? He was pretty loafsome"
"Going to start a band called The Subtweets. All songs will contain cryptic lyrics that incite paranoia in the crowd."
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