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Joke of the Day

"Dear Grocery store clerk, What part of me searching madly and paying in nickels & dimes suggests I can donate a dollar to the food bank?"

"What is the best tool for getting a handle on your gambling addiction? A vice grip."

"Hate being fat. Love eating food."

"I think my gran has Alzheimer's. She called me Dave earlier when my name is Carson. Either that or she's thinking of someone else while we're having sex."

"Is your ass a computer? Because I want to back it up to a 3 inch floppy."

"How many eggs do the French use in their omelettes? Just one, because in France one egg is un oeuf."

"why dont jewish people like getting made fun of? Because millions of them already got roasted"

"Just once when someone says, ""Is anyone there?"" in a scary movie, I want the villain to be like. ""What up. I'm over here. You got me."""

"Trivia: Bugs Bunny was originally named ""Insects Rabbit"" and his catchphrase was, ""What is transpiring, Physician?"""

"All I said was, Even those starving kids in Africa wouldn't eat your cooking and my wifes foot became Mayor of my ass on Foursquare."