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Joke of the Day

"Who is going to win tonight's presidential election? The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph."

"Me: omg can smoking weed make u hallucinate? Dog making pancakes: lol that wasn't weed dude"

"Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say ""I am beautiful"", which tense is it? Student: Obviously it is the past tense."

"I went to walmart today. I got the cart with three wheels and a hoof. This always happens to me."

"There's a new police bar in town. I hear it's very copular."

"what is the difference between aspirin and a strippers boyfriend? asprin works."

"The word tag is confusing. It can mean spray paint or touch someone & they're it. Either way, there's a purple kid in my neighborhood now"

"What is the difference between an event at the X Games and a sorrority? One is a bunch of Cunning Stunts"

"Why do you hold your hand flat above your eyes when you look into the distance? Because when you would cover your eyes with your hand, you wouldn't see sh*t. I'm lame."

"i just got my first prostate exam and im never going back to that dentist again"