195218
Joke of the Day
"What do you call pasta with alzheimers? forgetti"
Next Joke
"I've had intimate problems all my life. I just can't get close to someone without feeling insecure. You said internet problems? Nevermind."
"What's the difference between classical music and Barry white? A lot when you are having a prostate exam."
"Me: I cant tell you how to do everything. You need to figure out how to do things on your own 5yo: Ok Me:. 5yo:. Me:. 5yo: How do I do that?"
"I just bought a Christmas tree and my buddy asked, ""Are you going to put that up yourself?"" I replied, ""No, I was thinking the living room."""
"What do the World Trade Center and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's too offensive to talk about."
"My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test."
"Today my wife and I marked our twenty year wedding anniversary. If I would have killed her I would be out of jail by now."
"I like my coffee like I like my women... lightly roasted for that full bodied flavor."
"I always feel bad for cantaloupes ... They just want to get hitched"