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Joke of the Day

"Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground And I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off."

"I don't ALWAYS post filthy tweets, but when I do, it is right after I'm followed by someone with ""my Lord and Savior"" in their bio."

"What does the ISIS member say about telling good jokes? ""It's all in the execution."""

"How many Emos does it take to change a lightbulb? Doesn't matter because there is no light, only dark."

"1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Say your name is Waldo 4) Leave"

"Why can't you trust a snowman? Because they're all a bunch of flakes"

"What did the doctor say when he saw two fetuses being too affectionate in public? ""Get a womb, you two."""

"Welcome to passive aggressive club. We're so happy you came twenty minutes late. Sure, get a cup of coffee, we'll wait."

"Pete and Marco Rubio are on a boat. Pete falls off. Who is left? Marco Rubio"

"Why do nurses smack newborn babies on the back before handing them over to their parents... To knock the dicks off of the stupid ones"