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Joke of the Day

"Whatever happened to Robot Jones? He got cancelled."

"ME: *brings my mom to a knife fight* MOM: *shouting* use your words! MOM: *chasing knife fighters away with a broom* I know your mothers!"

"Tragic News: Plane carrying Donald Trump underwent massive turbulence, lost engine power, stalled, but landed safely."

"The best pirate joke(in your best pirate voice): What is a pirates favorite letter? Every body says its the ""R"" but it is actually the ""C."""

"I asked my trainer ""Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"" He pointed outside and said ""The ATM machine"" [ c/o /u/jubileo5 ]"

"My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm too much of an environmentalist... Oh well, not many fish left in the sea"

"""I think you should hire a contractor. . .some of this looks load bearing."" - me, when asked to ""raise the roof"" at parties. . ."

"Your honor, may I approach the bench? ""You may."" *walks up to bench* *boops judge's nose*"

"Facebook: Helping you acknowledge the existence of people you had been successfully ignoring for years."

"Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium are dating? OMg"