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Joke of the Day

"*throws goods on conveyor belt* Cashier: is that all sir? Me:""Nope. You got change for a trophy?"""

"What, like you never stole 2000 loaves of bread on a dare? Shit happens. Look, Grandma, can you bail me out or not?"

"I spend more time pretend talking into bananas than I do real talking into my cellphone."

"Had to sober up in a hurry this morning so I chugged a few Coors lights."

"What'd the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass"

"Granny Porn Having a Granny Porn fetish must be awesome. The best days of you and your wife's sex life are always ahead of you."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay to see a lentil."

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christoper Walken"

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at the elementary school? He woke up later"

"How many minimalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1"