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Joke of the Day

"A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, ""Bartender, how much do I owe you?"" The bartender replies, ""For you, neutron, no charge."""

"I'm basically shuffling papers and watching the clock until the next Batman movie."

"I got a chainsaw in the mail today. Now I have to send saws to five other people."

"The only thing grosser than finding a hair in your Velveeta cheese is knowing the ingredients inside Velveeta cheese & continuing to eat it."

"What do you say after stubbing your toe? I thought the title was the start of a joke. You OWW me one joke!"

"Why was Jon walking backwards on the first day of school? Everyone kept saying it was back to school time."

"I never miss my girlfriend... I can hit her every time."

"Jerry (Man pukes in plastic bag) Man:I made breakfast, let's put it in the fridge (Puts it in toilet tank) Man:Time for bed (Crawls in to tub)"

"As I approach 50, my wife suggested I get myself one of those high performance penis enlargers... So I have. She's 25 and her name is Candy."

"The last person you would ever hear say ""hey gang"" is someone in an actual gang"