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Joke of the Day

"Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check."

"How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? One but you should have seen the bulb it must have been THIS big."

"? Hey there Delilah, this is dispatch please come quickly There's a robbery in progress Suspect is white & in his 50s And high on gluuue ?"

"I'm ok with it if my son decides he wants Crocs. He has peanut allergy, so it's not like people will hate him more than they already do."

"Once a man went to a resturant and ordered an egg. When it was brought he didn't liked it so he informed the waiter that the egg was bad. Came the reply: ""I don't lay egg sir I just lay table !"""

"What a time to be alive! Right now."

"Is it possible for God to be a Cheeto Puffed? Because these taste pretty fucking great. EDIT: I'm getting downvoted but figure this is the reddit algorithm! cheeky cunts"

"Me: I'm so tired I need to sleep. Ambien: Here I'll help... Hey don't forget to take off your clothes and pretend that you're snow! Me: K"

"A nutritionist wants us to examine a sandwich. So lettuce..."

"What is a prime way of knowing when a retard is thirsty? He'll have water on the brain."