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Joke of the Day
"I call my dick Little Ceasers. It's hot and ready but it tastes like shit."
Next Joke
"Sometimes I think I'm a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am."
"The Razzi family had more family photographs than any other family. All thanks to the dad. Papa Razzi. Goodnight everyone"
"[A bengals fan watching Titanic] I can't wait until the end when Jack and Rose get married"
"How do you pick up women in Auschwitz? With a broom & dustpan."
"This one time, I went to prison, but I got out without a scratch- I beat off all the other prisoners"
"Her: You're up to a pack a day nowyou have to cut back. Me: [petting the alpha male of the wolf pack I just adopted] I can quit anytime."
"What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest? Hiking"
"I sleep with a knife under my pillow. You never know when someone is going to break in and give you a cake."
"Daughter: Dad, you need a smart phone. Me: Will it make my dinner? D: No but- M: Good talk."