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Joke of the Day

"I wish mirrors and pictures would get together already and agree on what I really look like."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside."

"Given how many times they've been screwed by hurricanes, it's time to change the name of the Virgin Islands."

"What do we want? A cure for Tourette's! When do we want it? Cunt."

"Why was Moses' wife angry? He gave her the burning bush."

"The barista can't deal with the man's 'Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee' shirt. Her mouth opens, then closes. The line grows."

"What did the big programming number say to the small programming number? UShort."

"Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together - Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll"

"I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's seven years in a row now."

"There was a male striper who absolutely hated his line of work and wanted to quit. The pay was really good though, so he decided to stick it out for a little bit longer."