194101

Joke of the Day

"[bar closing time] Do you wanna come over to my place? Her (flirtatious af): oh yeah Ok hold on.. *dials phone* Mom? Can you pick me up now?"

"Sucks how every girl I'm interested in is either taken or has good taste in men."

"Oh you got ""Swag""? Don't forget to put that on your Burger King Application."

"Why can't a policeman win a game of pool? Because he always shoots the black one first."

"So a Saudi guy says to his American friend, ""In my country women can't drive"". The American says, ""I'm not surprised. They can't drive in my country either."""

"What thinks the unthinkable? An ithe-berg"

"""Siri, what are the side effects of Valium?"" I mumbled into the tv remote."

"My biological clock must be off.. I'm getting morning wood in the evening"

"What do you call a confused gnu? A bewildebeest."

"What was the first thing the stowaway to Mars said after he landed? Just out of Curiosity..."