194025

Joke of the Day

"Google is now filtering out Holocaust denier websites from searches Now we will nazi those results."

"I'm unsure whether I like my beard. But it's growing on me."

"The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff"

"What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? Start swimming"

"*eats a bag of chips* *eats 2 baked potatoes* *eats a plate of fries* *eats a plate of mashed potatoes* Being a vegetarian is easy!"

"If I hear another conversation about that stupid dress... I'm going to beat them until they're white and gold."

"*CAN'T OPEN THE PICKLE JAR* SHERLOCK: (suspiciously) Moriarty..."

"My boss: ""Sean, what do you know about Twitter?"" Me: ""nothing. Why? What have you heard?"""

"""Oh shit I murdered someone"" ""You should turn yourself into the police"" ""Great idea!"" *puts on badge and hat* ""Looks like a suicide to me"""

"Why was the ocean embarrassed? Because all the fish could see his bottom."