194021

Joke of the Day

"You better watch out, you better not cry You better not pout, I'm telling you why Emotion signals weakness to your enemy Be vigilant, my son"

"Never believe what a fish says It sounds fishy.... ... sorry"

"Q: What happens if you cross a goldfish's brain with a dog? A: I don't know, but it's great at chasing submarines"

"A man got hit hard in the head with a bottle of 7up. He's alright though,it was a soft drink."

"My laziness is like the number 8. Once it lies down, it becomes infinite."

"My wife was fixing the caulk around our tub... Me: You should use some caulk softener to make that easier. Wife: Is that like a picture of your mom or something? (actual conversation)"

"Breaking News: Germany defeats Argentina... France surrenders."

"Did you hear about the knife-wielding madman who attacked a circus camp the other day? He went straight for the juggler."

"I saw on the news that when snorted, nutmeg becomes a mild hallucinogen. So I'm going to work today 'megged the fuck outta my mind."

"Ooh. Remove card RAPIDLY, not RABIDLY. I think I owe the lady at pump 2 an apology."