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Joke of the Day

"When I figured out that people walk on hardwood and carpet, I was floored."

"There are 10 types of people... Those who understand binary and those who don't."

"If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he was probably really freaked out when we started"

"My wife just bought toilet paper from Costco which is great because later today we're having 3,000 people over to take a shit."

"I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't gone to a gig yet."

"How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem? Simple! He just worked it out with a pencil!"

"My Friend once tried his hand at stand-up comedy My friend once tried his hand at stand-up comedy.It was so pathetic that everybody just laughed at his jokes."

"So Goldilocks is casing the bears' house, figuring she can heist their stash of crystal meth, when all of a sudden ... . . . Andrew Dice Clay sticks his head in the door and says ..."

"What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence? Utter destruction."

"Do you know anyone who has ever been scalped? I can't think of anyone off the top of my head.."